Yeah, so I'm scared to death of my little baby starting to walk. Most parents look forward to the first steps, such a big milestone. Why couldn't it be a little later, when she was a little bigger? So, she is getting close. She can stand up on her own and balance pretty well now. She has taken a couple of steps between me and my husband already. So, it's coming, and I'm not ready for it.
I have never been so scared of her development any other time and always looked forward to what was coming next. But Noella, I am not ready for you to walk yet.
Let me explain:
Noella has no fear. She loves to be thrown in the air. She attempts to launch herself out of your lap, if she sees something she wants on the floor. She will try and fall off of the couch, chair, bed.... When she takes that first step, there is going to be no stopping her. She is going to try and run..... into the TV, the door, stairs..... I can not image the injuries and turmoil that will follow her first steps. SO this is what I am afraid of.
Or maybe its more. Maybe I don't want my baby to grow up and there is something about walking that makes her not a baby anymore. Maybe it is the fear of all of the other milestones that are to come, after this transition into toddler hood, that is coming way ahead of schedule. Maybe that is my real anguish.
Or maybe walking is the step towards a life that I can not protect all the time. Maybe it is my baby leaving my grasp and me having to step back and let her fall, or be OK with her falling. Maybe walking is the symbol of a child that is not always going to need or want me to be around. And I am not OK with that.
SO, whatever the real reason, probably a combination of all of the above, I am not ready yet and at the same time scared I might miss it. What is she takes her first steps at childcare or before I get home from work? I don't want to miss this momentous event even though I am not ready for it to happen yet.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
9 Months TODAY!
So, Noella turns 9 months today. Still can't believe how fast she has grown.
What she can do:
1. roll over
2. sit up
3. crawl
4. pull herself up on furniture and cruise
5. eat with her fingers
6. eat anything she finds on the floor (great pincher grasp)
7. bring a spoon to her mouth
8. get food in her ears, hair, eye, nose, diaper..... whenever she is eating
9. make everyone melt that meets her (she smiles at everyone)
10. grab the center of attention when she comes into a room
11. NEW: stand up on her own (getting very scared now)
12. open her dresser drawers and pull out all of her clothes
13. close her fingers in her dresser drawers (baby-proofing supplies purchased, installation soon to come)
14. locate where the remote control, cell phone, or anything else she is not suppose to have immediately after entering a room
15. Scream Daddy all the time
16. Use sign language to communicate (so far: "more" and "finished")
17. clap
18. pull the dog and cat's fur out (the dog doesn't seem to care, the cat, not a fan)
19. Wine
20. "sing" to the music in the car
21. ride in the buggyat the grocery store
22. eat at a restaurant without crying, screaming, or being annoying (she loves going out so she can meet all the people walking by)
Make me smile no matter how I feel.
Break my heart when she cries or is in pain.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
My Baby is using Sign Language!
My Baby Can Sign!
I have been trying to teach my daughter some simple sign language to help her communicate with us. We have been working on "more" and "finished" when she is eating for probably about 2 to 3 months now. She finally got it! She is pretty good about signing more, although sometimes it looks like clapping. And just last night signed finished for the first time. This morning I was asking my husband if she was finished and cleaned up after breakfast and she signed "finished" just from hearing me say it.
It is awesome and, let me tell you, it is worth it. Meal time is so much more pleasant with less screaming and crying for more food and starting to be less throwing food on the floor when she is done. I highly recommend teaching sign language to all babies.
I just ordered a DVD and book to help us teach her more signs. I am hoping for: food, drink, hungry, sleepy, help, and cold. We will see how it goes. I will keep you posted.
It is amazing that even though she can't say too many words she can understand what we are saying to her. This is giving her a way to respond and communicate with us. I Love It!
I have been trying to teach my daughter some simple sign language to help her communicate with us. We have been working on "more" and "finished" when she is eating for probably about 2 to 3 months now. She finally got it! She is pretty good about signing more, although sometimes it looks like clapping. And just last night signed finished for the first time. This morning I was asking my husband if she was finished and cleaned up after breakfast and she signed "finished" just from hearing me say it.
It is awesome and, let me tell you, it is worth it. Meal time is so much more pleasant with less screaming and crying for more food and starting to be less throwing food on the floor when she is done. I highly recommend teaching sign language to all babies.
I just ordered a DVD and book to help us teach her more signs. I am hoping for: food, drink, hungry, sleepy, help, and cold. We will see how it goes. I will keep you posted.
It is amazing that even though she can't say too many words she can understand what we are saying to her. This is giving her a way to respond and communicate with us. I Love It!
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
South Beach Diet, Here I Come
SO, I am starting the South Beach Diet. I am officially in day two, so far so good. Meaning I haven't wanted to bang my head against the wall and eat everything in sight.....yet.
The urgency came after my fitness evaluation at the gym I have been going to 6 days a week for three months. I gained 13 pounds in the last three weeks. I have been somewhat out of commission due to bursitis in my foot. Yeah, I can't win. The ever evolving post pardon after effects continue to emerge. SO 13 pounds, I am back to probably what I weighted when I was 6 months pregnant, joy. So, back to South Beach. I am pretty optimistic. I did South Beach for the year before I got pregnant. I lost 30 pounds and was back to where my body should be, bought new clothes and celebrating, then found out I was pregnant.
I figure getting back on the healthy food train, for real, and exercising 6 times a week, once my foot is operational again, should put me back on track pretty quickly. I can only hope. Then I will get to really see what this new body has in store for me.
So send me good thoughts and luck, I am looking to lose 53 pounds.
The urgency came after my fitness evaluation at the gym I have been going to 6 days a week for three months. I gained 13 pounds in the last three weeks. I have been somewhat out of commission due to bursitis in my foot. Yeah, I can't win. The ever evolving post pardon after effects continue to emerge. SO 13 pounds, I am back to probably what I weighted when I was 6 months pregnant, joy. So, back to South Beach. I am pretty optimistic. I did South Beach for the year before I got pregnant. I lost 30 pounds and was back to where my body should be, bought new clothes and celebrating, then found out I was pregnant.
I figure getting back on the healthy food train, for real, and exercising 6 times a week, once my foot is operational again, should put me back on track pretty quickly. I can only hope. Then I will get to really see what this new body has in store for me.
So send me good thoughts and luck, I am looking to lose 53 pounds.
Monday, June 29, 2009
I Have Been Abducted
This new body of mine is like an alien spaceship that I am inhabiting.
So, I put on 65+ lbs when I was pregnant. It was really more than that but I stopped counting, or advertising my count, after I hit 200 lbs, yikes! I have lost some of it but am still about 40 lbs away from my pre-pregnancy body. So, yes, I am bigger and am not quite used to that yet, but my whole body is just different. I have aches and pains where I never did before, I have trouble balancing or doing activities that I never have had before. I am just different and wondering if I will ever go back to my pre-pregnancy self. I guess this post is me finally admitting that, the old me is no more, and I have to get used to this new vessel that is my home.
It is just strange.
I am learning about myself all over again. What I can and can't do, physically. Where I store my fat. What kind of clothes look best on me, this one is the toughest. How fast or slow I can lose weight and change this body. I have been going to the gym for three months, six days a week, and have not lost any weight. I am stronger and feel better but, in my old body, I would have at least lost 15 lbs by now.
I am trying to accept this new body and new me, but it is hard! It is hard to do things I used to love doing. I am not just having an issue with stamina but more so with balance. I am not confident on my own feet. I feel so much more fragile and off center than I ever have before, even when I was out of shape before the pregnancy. And I was never really known for being graceful, coordinated, or balanced to begin with.
I will continue my journey of one, trying to get back in the best physical shape I can be in, and two, accepting the new reality of what that shape will look and feel like.
So, I put on 65+ lbs when I was pregnant. It was really more than that but I stopped counting, or advertising my count, after I hit 200 lbs, yikes! I have lost some of it but am still about 40 lbs away from my pre-pregnancy body. So, yes, I am bigger and am not quite used to that yet, but my whole body is just different. I have aches and pains where I never did before, I have trouble balancing or doing activities that I never have had before. I am just different and wondering if I will ever go back to my pre-pregnancy self. I guess this post is me finally admitting that, the old me is no more, and I have to get used to this new vessel that is my home.
It is just strange.
I am learning about myself all over again. What I can and can't do, physically. Where I store my fat. What kind of clothes look best on me, this one is the toughest. How fast or slow I can lose weight and change this body. I have been going to the gym for three months, six days a week, and have not lost any weight. I am stronger and feel better but, in my old body, I would have at least lost 15 lbs by now.
I am trying to accept this new body and new me, but it is hard! It is hard to do things I used to love doing. I am not just having an issue with stamina but more so with balance. I am not confident on my own feet. I feel so much more fragile and off center than I ever have before, even when I was out of shape before the pregnancy. And I was never really known for being graceful, coordinated, or balanced to begin with.
I will continue my journey of one, trying to get back in the best physical shape I can be in, and two, accepting the new reality of what that shape will look and feel like.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Mommy Crazies
I still have those crazy thoughts and moments of fear that almost bring me to tears. They seem to hijack my brain for moment; it is like breaking and entering. I need to find the jail in my mind to lock them up in.
The fear of what if:
What if I get into a car accident while she is in the car?
What if someone breaks into my house and takes her while I am in the bathroom, literally caught with my pants down?
What if she chokes, will I panic, will I know what to do?
What if something happens and I can't get a hold of Mike?
What if something happens to us, while she is at the sitters, who will go get her, love her, and take care of her?
All crazy thoughts that will most likely never even come close to happening. But I have thought of them all, and what I would do, what might happen, what could happen in each circumstance. And usually, nearly come to tears while driving, at work, or just thinking about these thoughts of craziness. Then I quickly try and turn it off.
Here is an example of crazy mommy brain.
Yesterday, while driving to the gym, the thought of getting into a car accident just broke into my mind. Mike was at band practice. The crazy continues. My little car, if hit in the right spot, would not protect Noella at all. What if she was hurt? I imagine myself screaming for help, calling 911 and possibly attacking the other driving. Then, how do I get a hold of Mike? I imagine calling, and him not answering, he is playing the drums. Then I think, do I have all his band members’ numbers in my phone? Sending text messages with 911 to all of them, hoping to get a response. Meanwhile, I am on my way to the hospital with Noella, trying to figure out if they would take us to Mon General or Ruby, I do not trust the hospital in Fairmont.
All of this rushing through my brain, not because I almost got into an accident or I saw an accident or that someone was talking about one just because....it could happen. Then the rush of emotion enters my heart. Just the thought of my helpless baby being hurt or in danger makes my eyes well up and my heart ache. Deep breaths, deep breaths, trying to push these feelings, images and thoughts out of my head.
See what I mean about crazy? When will this end? When will I not worry every free second of my life and not imagine the worst possible outcome of everything involving my daughter?
You probably think that I am the Mom that is scared of something hurting my child that I will not go anywhere, do anything, or let her do anything. I am not, I do not let this craziness consume me or prevent me from letting her grow up, I just get caught up in the craziness from time to time and cause myself ridiculous stress and turmoil. Then I come back to reality and know that I cannot protect her from everything and I cannot prevent or prepare for everything and try to reassure myself that in the moment, I will do what I need to do to help her and protect her.
Damn, being a Mommy is hard.
The fear of what if:
What if I get into a car accident while she is in the car?
What if someone breaks into my house and takes her while I am in the bathroom, literally caught with my pants down?
What if she chokes, will I panic, will I know what to do?
What if something happens and I can't get a hold of Mike?
What if something happens to us, while she is at the sitters, who will go get her, love her, and take care of her?
All crazy thoughts that will most likely never even come close to happening. But I have thought of them all, and what I would do, what might happen, what could happen in each circumstance. And usually, nearly come to tears while driving, at work, or just thinking about these thoughts of craziness. Then I quickly try and turn it off.
Here is an example of crazy mommy brain.
Yesterday, while driving to the gym, the thought of getting into a car accident just broke into my mind. Mike was at band practice. The crazy continues. My little car, if hit in the right spot, would not protect Noella at all. What if she was hurt? I imagine myself screaming for help, calling 911 and possibly attacking the other driving. Then, how do I get a hold of Mike? I imagine calling, and him not answering, he is playing the drums. Then I think, do I have all his band members’ numbers in my phone? Sending text messages with 911 to all of them, hoping to get a response. Meanwhile, I am on my way to the hospital with Noella, trying to figure out if they would take us to Mon General or Ruby, I do not trust the hospital in Fairmont.
All of this rushing through my brain, not because I almost got into an accident or I saw an accident or that someone was talking about one just because....it could happen. Then the rush of emotion enters my heart. Just the thought of my helpless baby being hurt or in danger makes my eyes well up and my heart ache. Deep breaths, deep breaths, trying to push these feelings, images and thoughts out of my head.
See what I mean about crazy? When will this end? When will I not worry every free second of my life and not imagine the worst possible outcome of everything involving my daughter?
You probably think that I am the Mom that is scared of something hurting my child that I will not go anywhere, do anything, or let her do anything. I am not, I do not let this craziness consume me or prevent me from letting her grow up, I just get caught up in the craziness from time to time and cause myself ridiculous stress and turmoil. Then I come back to reality and know that I cannot protect her from everything and I cannot prevent or prepare for everything and try to reassure myself that in the moment, I will do what I need to do to help her and protect her.
Damn, being a Mommy is hard.
Little Miss. Independent
8 months!
Noella is eight months old now and looks like a real person! Sounds strange but true. She doesn't look like a baby anymore but a person. I cannot believe how much she has grown and changed since her birth eight months ago. She is amazing!
She is so independent, too independent. She is eating finger food on her own and gets mad when we try and feed her from a spoon. I still have stocks of homemade baby food and purchased jars of baby food that she refuses to eat. She also doesn't like walking while she holds our hand anymore. She would much rather do it herself; either crawling or walking while holding on to some inanimate object. Little Miss. Independent. She is taking baths in the big bathtub, sitting in highchairs and eating the same food as us at restaurants and successfully using her sippy cup. It is amazing and very humorous just watching her play and explore in our living room. If only, one page from a magazine could entertain me for multiple days.
I love her everyday just a little bit more than the day before and at the same time cannot comprehend how I could ever love anything more than I love her right now. It is amazing the capacity you have to love a child.
Noella is eight months old now and looks like a real person! Sounds strange but true. She doesn't look like a baby anymore but a person. I cannot believe how much she has grown and changed since her birth eight months ago. She is amazing!
She is so independent, too independent. She is eating finger food on her own and gets mad when we try and feed her from a spoon. I still have stocks of homemade baby food and purchased jars of baby food that she refuses to eat. She also doesn't like walking while she holds our hand anymore. She would much rather do it herself; either crawling or walking while holding on to some inanimate object. Little Miss. Independent. She is taking baths in the big bathtub, sitting in highchairs and eating the same food as us at restaurants and successfully using her sippy cup. It is amazing and very humorous just watching her play and explore in our living room. If only, one page from a magazine could entertain me for multiple days.
I love her everyday just a little bit more than the day before and at the same time cannot comprehend how I could ever love anything more than I love her right now. It is amazing the capacity you have to love a child.
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