I am not ready for her to WALK!

Yeah, so I'm scared to death of my little baby starting to walk. Most parents look forward to the first steps, such a big milestone. Why couldn't it be a little later, when she was a little bigger? So, she is getting close. She can stand up on her own and balance pretty well now. She has taken a couple of steps between me and my husband already. So, it's coming, and I'm not ready for it.

I have never been so scared of her development any other time and always looked forward to what was coming next. But Noella, I am not ready for you to walk yet.

Let me explain:

Noella has no fear. She loves to be thrown in the air. She attempts to launch herself out of your lap, if she sees something she wants on the floor. She will try and fall off of the couch, chair, bed.... When she takes that first step, there is going to be no stopping her. She is going to try and run..... into the TV, the door, stairs..... I can not image the injuries and turmoil that will follow her first steps. SO this is what I am afraid of.

Or maybe its more. Maybe I don't want my baby to grow up and there is something about walking that makes her not a baby anymore. Maybe it is the fear of all of the other milestones that are to come, after this transition into toddler hood, that is coming way ahead of schedule. Maybe that is my real anguish.

Or maybe walking is the step towards a life that I can not protect all the time. Maybe it is my baby leaving my grasp and me having to step back and let her fall, or be OK with her falling. Maybe walking is the symbol of a child that is not always going to need or want me to be around. And I am not OK with that.

SO, whatever the real reason, probably a combination of all of the above, I am not ready yet and at the same time scared I might miss it. What is she takes her first steps at childcare or before I get home from work? I don't want to miss this momentous event even though I am not ready for it to happen yet.