So, I finally spoke with Noella's Dr. today. She does have VUR. She has a grade 1 on the right and a grade 2 on the left. Which means, she should grow out of it and it shouldn't be too big of a deal. They are putting her on a daily low dose antibiotic and sending us to see a Pediatric Urologist. The worst part is she will have to go through that horrible test at least once a year, until she completely grows out of it. I guess I can't complain about that too much, at least she shouldn't need surgery. Sigh of relief.
It is unbelievable how every little thing that happens with your kids can scare the living crap out of you. If I had been through exactly the same thing that Noella went through, I wouldn't have been worried. But with such a little person, it is scary. I think the worst part is that Noella can't tell us how she feels or what is wrong. Whenever she is cranky, I am constantly guessing, is it another UTI, her reflux, teeth coming in... And really it is nothing.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Beautiful moments
Smiling
When I enter the room
When I drop her off at the baby-sitters
When anyone looks at her
With her eyes
Watching Daddy play the guitar intently
Daddy reading a story about ballet before bed
kicking feet whenever something exciting is happening like...
Oatmeal being made
A bottle on the way
Mommy or Daddy walking by
or just looking
Splashing in the tub
Trying to put all her toys in her mouth
"Singing" to the radio in the car
Laughing laughing laughing
When tickled
Playing Peek-a-boo
Mimicking her
sneezing
sticking out your tung
streching every inch of her body to reach something
Love
When I enter the room
When I drop her off at the baby-sitters
When anyone looks at her
With her eyes
Watching Daddy play the guitar intently
Daddy reading a story about ballet before bed
kicking feet whenever something exciting is happening like...
Oatmeal being made
A bottle on the way
Mommy or Daddy walking by
or just looking
Splashing in the tub
Trying to put all her toys in her mouth
"Singing" to the radio in the car
Laughing laughing laughing
When tickled
Playing Peek-a-boo
Mimicking her
sneezing
sticking out your tung
streching every inch of her body to reach something
Love
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
102 degrees remembered and VUR
The scariest moment thus far as a mom. When Noella was 3 and half months my babysitter called me at work because she had a low grade temperature. Noella had not been sick at all to this point, so like the paraniod crazy mom, I rushed over to pick her up. I took her home and took her temperature for myself. It was 100.8, a little high but not too bad. I preceded to call the Dr.'s office where I was greeted with an understanding nurse, assuring me that it was OK and to just give her some Tylenol, it could just be some teeth coming in. At 8:00 pm that night her low grade temperature turned into the real deal, hitting 102.2 degrees. I called the on-call Dr. who instructed me to give her a little more Tylenol and keep her cool and to call and make an appointment first thing in the morning. I still felt OK. She didn't have any other symptoms and her temp went down soon after giving her the Tylenol.
The next morning was definitely not what I was expecting! After a couple of test were run, it was determined that Noella had a hard core UTI. We were sent to the hospital for three nights to get intravenous antibiotics. Yikes! Imagine caring for a three month old baby while they are getting a catheter to test their urine and having an IV put in their arm all while spiking a fever. It was.........frightening! I will never forget her little body flailling in every direction while three nurses and myself held her down to put in the IV. Such a little baby and so strong. Even her head was jerking around. She was screaming at the top of her lungs and turned a nice shade of tomato red. The nurses tried to reassure me that if she wasn't putting up a fight, that is when I should worry. Then, inevitablly, the comments about her red hair and temper to match.
After this ordeal, they sent her for an ultrasound, took blood and what seemed like test after test after test. The worse part was the waiting. Waiting to hear the results. Waiting to talk to the Dr. and waiting for it all to sink in. I think we had the Dr.'s explain everything to us at least five times. Not knowing what to ask or what else there was to know, we just asked for it all over and over again. The Dr.'s tried to reassure us that sometimes it just happens, while telling us six weeks from now she will have another, horrible test, to determine if there is something anatomically wrong. Maybe she will just grow out of it, maybe surgery, maybe it just happened.
Oh, and while at the hospital Noella caught a cold that turned into wheezing causing her to need a nebulizer breathing treatment every four hours and puts her at risk of developing asthma.
So, Noella had this horrible test yesterday, and let me tell you she was a trooper! Let me explain what she went through. She had a voiding cystourethrogram to determine if she has Vesicoureteral reflux (VUR). OK, so they strapped her down to a two by six board with thick Velcro belts, inserted a catheter, injected die into her bladder and took pictures of it while she was peeing. Expecting my constantly moving, stubborn baby to scream throughout this whole procedure, I was pleasantly surprised. She did sooo much better than I would have. She cried for a few minutes after the catheter was inserted, but that was it! She looked around at everyone and everything and stayed calm throughout the procedure. She lifted her head up to see what the nurse and Dr.'s were up to and was fine.
So, the test is to determine if she has VUR, reflux of her pee. This is when your pee travels backward and makes it more likely for you to get UTI's and can cause more serious consequences with your kidneys....yeah kidneys! Our Dr. told us that most babies just grow out of it. If she did have it, she would more than likely just be on a low dose antibiotic to prevent future UTI's and would get tested every year to monitor it. It all depends on how severe the reflux is. 1 to 2 grade = grow out/ antibiotics; 3 to 5 grade = surgery to correct the problem. So, what were the results? She does have VUR, I guess she is refluxing from everywhere. How bad? I am not really sure and am back to the waiting game. The Dr. that performed the test seemed to think it was a grade two which means she will grow out of it. But when we called our Dr. she indicated that she needed to wait for the written report and she might refer us to a specialist in Pittsburgh. So, I am not really sure what to think but am waiting......till the end of the week, hopefully. I hate waiting!
Weird fact: VUR is more common in girls and in children with red hair
The next morning was definitely not what I was expecting! After a couple of test were run, it was determined that Noella had a hard core UTI. We were sent to the hospital for three nights to get intravenous antibiotics. Yikes! Imagine caring for a three month old baby while they are getting a catheter to test their urine and having an IV put in their arm all while spiking a fever. It was.........frightening! I will never forget her little body flailling in every direction while three nurses and myself held her down to put in the IV. Such a little baby and so strong. Even her head was jerking around. She was screaming at the top of her lungs and turned a nice shade of tomato red. The nurses tried to reassure me that if she wasn't putting up a fight, that is when I should worry. Then, inevitablly, the comments about her red hair and temper to match.
After this ordeal, they sent her for an ultrasound, took blood and what seemed like test after test after test. The worse part was the waiting. Waiting to hear the results. Waiting to talk to the Dr. and waiting for it all to sink in. I think we had the Dr.'s explain everything to us at least five times. Not knowing what to ask or what else there was to know, we just asked for it all over and over again. The Dr.'s tried to reassure us that sometimes it just happens, while telling us six weeks from now she will have another, horrible test, to determine if there is something anatomically wrong. Maybe she will just grow out of it, maybe surgery, maybe it just happened.
Oh, and while at the hospital Noella caught a cold that turned into wheezing causing her to need a nebulizer breathing treatment every four hours and puts her at risk of developing asthma.
So, Noella had this horrible test yesterday, and let me tell you she was a trooper! Let me explain what she went through. She had a voiding cystourethrogram to determine if she has Vesicoureteral reflux (VUR). OK, so they strapped her down to a two by six board with thick Velcro belts, inserted a catheter, injected die into her bladder and took pictures of it while she was peeing. Expecting my constantly moving, stubborn baby to scream throughout this whole procedure, I was pleasantly surprised. She did sooo much better than I would have. She cried for a few minutes after the catheter was inserted, but that was it! She looked around at everyone and everything and stayed calm throughout the procedure. She lifted her head up to see what the nurse and Dr.'s were up to and was fine.
So, the test is to determine if she has VUR, reflux of her pee. This is when your pee travels backward and makes it more likely for you to get UTI's and can cause more serious consequences with your kidneys....yeah kidneys! Our Dr. told us that most babies just grow out of it. If she did have it, she would more than likely just be on a low dose antibiotic to prevent future UTI's and would get tested every year to monitor it. It all depends on how severe the reflux is. 1 to 2 grade = grow out/ antibiotics; 3 to 5 grade = surgery to correct the problem. So, what were the results? She does have VUR, I guess she is refluxing from everywhere. How bad? I am not really sure and am back to the waiting game. The Dr. that performed the test seemed to think it was a grade two which means she will grow out of it. But when we called our Dr. she indicated that she needed to wait for the written report and she might refer us to a specialist in Pittsburgh. So, I am not really sure what to think but am waiting......till the end of the week, hopefully. I hate waiting!
Weird fact: VUR is more common in girls and in children with red hair
Thursday, April 9, 2009
The beginning
So this is my first attempt at blogging. THought it would be a good way to vent and deal with some of my Mommy insanity. A little about me, I currently live in West Virginia with my 5 and a half month old daughter and husband. All of our family are in Rhode Island. So, we have been doing this parenting thing on our own.
My daughter, Noella, had reflux when she was a baby. I spent a good three months with her crying constantly, with no way to soothe her, until we figured out how to treat her reflux. Those months were trying to say the least. Many days my husband would come home from work to find both of us crying. When I was burnt out of walking and bouncing or standing by the exhaust fan over the stove or the bathroom, I would just sit and hold her and we would cry together.
Saying that she cried often, does not adequately paint the picture that I was facing. She cried whenever she was not sleeping, and her crying is not what you are imagining in your head. She screamed uncontrollably, arched her back looking for relief, and only fell asleep because she exerted every ounce of energy crying from the pain.
I cannot describe the immense feelings of frustration, loneliness, and inadequacy. I loved my baby girl more than anything, but felt helpless in being able to soothe her. I felt unable to leave my house, not knowing if she would cry uncontrollably while I was out. When I did go out, I felt constantly judged because my baby did not settle down when she was held by her mother, like normal babies are suppose to do. I felt like no one understood what it was like to mother a baby with reflux, and then when we put her on medication to treat the reflux, a God sent relief, I felt judged for giving my baby drugs. I still feel judged when I thank God for baby Zantac and how much of a difference it has made with my baby. I still feel that people don't understand what it is like when Noella is not on Zantac, and therefore cannot understand why I would give my baby drugs and not just deal with it.
I find myself feeling guilty for admitting that I had a difficult baby. That does not mean I love her any less or that I don't cherish every second I have spent with her, but yes, she was hard to handle. I thank God that I have been blessed with a wonderful husband, family and friends to help me through. I thank God that I have built the necessary coping skills and emotional maturity to handle raising a tough baby. I think of the times when I heard horrible stories where mothers hurt or abandoned their child, and you know, I can understand a little better where they were at. I don't think that I could ever be in that situation, but if I did not have what I have, I can't say that I wouldn't be there too.
I feel jealous when I hear other moms talk about how good their babies are. How they never cry and are so quiet and easy. I honestly cannot imagine what it would have been like if Noella did not have reflux. I would not change her for a second and love every inch of her and every moment of her life, but at the same time feel jealous of the time other moms have with their "normal" babies. I don't remember a whole lot of those first few months.
I am well aware that all babies are different and in fact there really isn't any "normal" baby. But if this is the case, then why do mothers judge each other so easily or why do we feel that we are being judged, when in reality we are just judging ourselves. Why is there this unattainable "ideal" image of what a mother is, that no one can live up to, and why do we measure every action we take and decision we make to it?
Now that Noella is treated for her reflux, she is a smiling, happy baby. Right now, she is soooo much fun. She is sitting on her own, not quite crawling yet. She laughs when I play peek-a-boo, sneeze, or sometimes just make a funny face at her. I love her more than I ever felt possible! The way I live my life has changed dramatically. Not in that I don't go out much, which I don't, or that I don't drink much anymore, which I don't, but in how I approach everyday and every decision. I am constantly aware that someone else needs me. I drive more cautiously, am more aware of my surroundings and have different priorities. I hate to sound cliche in saying that life changes when you have a child, but in fact, it does. Sometimes I miss my freedom and old life but really, I am so much happier and can't imagine life without my baby-girl.
My daughter, Noella, had reflux when she was a baby. I spent a good three months with her crying constantly, with no way to soothe her, until we figured out how to treat her reflux. Those months were trying to say the least. Many days my husband would come home from work to find both of us crying. When I was burnt out of walking and bouncing or standing by the exhaust fan over the stove or the bathroom, I would just sit and hold her and we would cry together.
Saying that she cried often, does not adequately paint the picture that I was facing. She cried whenever she was not sleeping, and her crying is not what you are imagining in your head. She screamed uncontrollably, arched her back looking for relief, and only fell asleep because she exerted every ounce of energy crying from the pain.
I cannot describe the immense feelings of frustration, loneliness, and inadequacy. I loved my baby girl more than anything, but felt helpless in being able to soothe her. I felt unable to leave my house, not knowing if she would cry uncontrollably while I was out. When I did go out, I felt constantly judged because my baby did not settle down when she was held by her mother, like normal babies are suppose to do. I felt like no one understood what it was like to mother a baby with reflux, and then when we put her on medication to treat the reflux, a God sent relief, I felt judged for giving my baby drugs. I still feel judged when I thank God for baby Zantac and how much of a difference it has made with my baby. I still feel that people don't understand what it is like when Noella is not on Zantac, and therefore cannot understand why I would give my baby drugs and not just deal with it.
I find myself feeling guilty for admitting that I had a difficult baby. That does not mean I love her any less or that I don't cherish every second I have spent with her, but yes, she was hard to handle. I thank God that I have been blessed with a wonderful husband, family and friends to help me through. I thank God that I have built the necessary coping skills and emotional maturity to handle raising a tough baby. I think of the times when I heard horrible stories where mothers hurt or abandoned their child, and you know, I can understand a little better where they were at. I don't think that I could ever be in that situation, but if I did not have what I have, I can't say that I wouldn't be there too.
I feel jealous when I hear other moms talk about how good their babies are. How they never cry and are so quiet and easy. I honestly cannot imagine what it would have been like if Noella did not have reflux. I would not change her for a second and love every inch of her and every moment of her life, but at the same time feel jealous of the time other moms have with their "normal" babies. I don't remember a whole lot of those first few months.
I am well aware that all babies are different and in fact there really isn't any "normal" baby. But if this is the case, then why do mothers judge each other so easily or why do we feel that we are being judged, when in reality we are just judging ourselves. Why is there this unattainable "ideal" image of what a mother is, that no one can live up to, and why do we measure every action we take and decision we make to it?
Now that Noella is treated for her reflux, she is a smiling, happy baby. Right now, she is soooo much fun. She is sitting on her own, not quite crawling yet. She laughs when I play peek-a-boo, sneeze, or sometimes just make a funny face at her. I love her more than I ever felt possible! The way I live my life has changed dramatically. Not in that I don't go out much, which I don't, or that I don't drink much anymore, which I don't, but in how I approach everyday and every decision. I am constantly aware that someone else needs me. I drive more cautiously, am more aware of my surroundings and have different priorities. I hate to sound cliche in saying that life changes when you have a child, but in fact, it does. Sometimes I miss my freedom and old life but really, I am so much happier and can't imagine life without my baby-girl.
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