I Have Been Abducted

This new body of mine is like an alien spaceship that I am inhabiting.

So, I put on 65+ lbs when I was pregnant. It was really more than that but I stopped counting, or advertising my count, after I hit 200 lbs, yikes! I have lost some of it but am still about 40 lbs away from my pre-pregnancy body. So, yes, I am bigger and am not quite used to that yet, but my whole body is just different. I have aches and pains where I never did before, I have trouble balancing or doing activities that I never have had before. I am just different and wondering if I will ever go back to my pre-pregnancy self. I guess this post is me finally admitting that, the old me is no more, and I have to get used to this new vessel that is my home.

It is just strange.

I am learning about myself all over again. What I can and can't do, physically. Where I store my fat. What kind of clothes look best on me, this one is the toughest. How fast or slow I can lose weight and change this body. I have been going to the gym for three months, six days a week, and have not lost any weight. I am stronger and feel better but, in my old body, I would have at least lost 15 lbs by now.

I am trying to accept this new body and new me, but it is hard! It is hard to do things I used to love doing. I am not just having an issue with stamina but more so with balance. I am not confident on my own feet. I feel so much more fragile and off center than I ever have before, even when I was out of shape before the pregnancy. And I was never really known for being graceful, coordinated, or balanced to begin with.

I will continue my journey of one, trying to get back in the best physical shape I can be in, and two, accepting the new reality of what that shape will look and feel like.